just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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