i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
