no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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