Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
