Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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