there's paper in my vomit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
