I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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