Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
