After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
