We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
