you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
