it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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