new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
