she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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