this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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