I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
