so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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