my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
