There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
