but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
