is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
