a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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