Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
