Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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