my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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