trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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