Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
