i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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