hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
