I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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