Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
