So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
