Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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