Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
