im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
