I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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