i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How naked do you want me to be?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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