I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
