the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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