No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
operation have a gay friend backfired
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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