me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
