i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
