Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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