So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
