Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
