come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was confusing and full of hummus
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
