Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
