hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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