Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
