youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
