You really coming over, don't trick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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